quandary

 hello my forest friends, I am unfortunately in a quandary. 

What do you do when you're stuck between two things you love and can only pick one? To preface, I am not talking about human beings lol. There are many a time I find myself at a crossroad - which was in the beginning, the name of this blog actually. I am in a dilemma about which to pick because I am afraid I'll make the wrong choice. Act too rashly and I make the wrong pick - do I use my logic here or do I go with my gut?

Then, I came across this post where someone said, "You make time for the things you genuinely want to do, and you make excuses not to do the things you don't genuinely want to do." 

Let's be honest here, I probably make time for both things but somewhere in my head, I know I do one more than the other - but does it make it the right choice? I guess there are two types of decision-makers and I'm sure by the time I finish typing this paragraph, you'll be able to tell me which one of the two you are. 

I was once a gunslinger. Making rash ruthless decisions so fast you'd think I'm some sort of inhuman. In the past, perhaps, I felt that choosing the first thing that popped up would be better because I don't regret not doing it. I was more terrified of not knowing what will happen and of not doing. In fact, the wrong choice is preferable to doing nothing at all, at least I will feel regret that I had done it instead of worrying that I never did. 

However, ever since I had to pick Acting/Writing, I took the dive and picked the route of an actor, thinking that I would strive for one of the dreams I had when I was a kid, only to realize I wasn't ready to be an actress - I wasn't ready to put in the hard work - in fact, I relished the screenwriting classes the most out of anything else. Life sort of tumbled into chaos after that.

Nowadays I tend to take my time to decide. I will choose not to get that box of mystery pokemon if I know there is a chance I won't get it - after doing the calculations and the math that it is a 1/9 chance that I will get that mew, and I don't like those chances. I will take five million years to plan a cosplay now because I am not sure which location I like better. 

But once I do decide, I find that I am usually much more happier with my decision. The only thing is, it takes time, and time, sadly, does not wait for anyone. I should have taken a degree in Mass Communications instead of a BA in Acting so I could pursue my Masters in Media Research earlier - now I'll have to wait. Now I am afraid to make decisions rashly, I spend more time worrying on the what-ifs and what-nots more instead of actually doing the thing.

In the great gamut of decision making, I have been on both sides and I am toying with this unfortunate dilemma of picking one of two equally good options. Do I just give up them both instead and do something else? 

I guess if anything some things in life can be undone.

Maybe I'll just close my eyes and pick one.

x

evelyn