Reasons why I need to talk about being asexual

HEY LIL' FOREST BUNNIES

oh no, you proclaim, she's gonna talk about asexuality AGAIN

Yes I'm going to talk about asexuality again because even as something that people might deem as "well at least you aren't GAY nothing to care much about so what" I am going to stress this again AND AGAIN: ALL SEXUAL PREFERENCES, GENDER IDENTITY WHAT NOT MEAN SOMETHING TO THE PERSON AND ITS IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND.

Time and time again people ask me, why the need to talk about my sexual preference because it's not really a very big issue - but let me tell you, time AND TIME again I have asshats who tell me, "It's just a phase, there isn't such a thing as being asexual and you just haven't met the right guy." I want to clarify, YES I have dated around, YES I HAVE EVEN DATED GIRLS but I have 

NEVER

ONCE

FELT

SEXUALLY 

ATTRACTED

TO 

ANYONE

It's been almost 21 years and don't you tell me that I'm still in a phase where I've not met the ONE TRUE MALE FOR ME OH WOW SWOOOON. And don't give me bullshit that asexuality is just a lie someone tells themselves because they've been so hurt in a relationship they don't want to find love yada yada bullshit - that's a completely different story. 

You don't cheebye with me okay, just because someone has been heartbroken before doesn't mean they fall into asexuality because they just don't want to date out of the fear that they will be hurt again. Asexuality is a fucking sexual preference. Stop defining other other people's experiences and stop telling them what they do and don't experience because it's not your place and you have NO RIGHT TO DO THAT.

But here my fellow mates, let me enlighten you more about asexuality because it's SO MUCH more than just being an idea of a NO-SEX BECAUSE NO SEX. The sexual preference and gender identity spectrum is so vast and colourful, there is nothing that you can deem as NOT in the spectrum.

So listen up.

Asexuals CAN, but do not have to;

Still be visually attracted to people and appreciate someone who is good looking - this is called aesthetic attraction; I am prone to doing this but that doesn't mean I want to hookup or be romantically involved with you - it's just that your face is perfect and your dressing is amazing and can I just be you for a second?

Have a sex drive that is NOT aimed at any specific person/people. A sex drive that says "I want sexual stimulation" is different from "I want sexual stimulation from THAT person."

Have platonic crushes on people - a non romantic friendship crush, otherwise known as a squish (like how I used to call my best friends my squishy buddies)

Desire physical, non-sexual, non-romantically intended contact like cuddling, spooning, hand holding, hugging, etc. This is known as sensual attraction/desire.

Be DISGUSTED by sexual intercourse and the idea of having sex themselves. These people are known as sex repulsed asexuals.

Be indifferent to sex. Also known as sexual disinterest.

Be okay with having sex with a romantic partner

Be aroused by erotic stimulus such as erotic images and even find the concepts of certain sexual actions appealing, but they have no desire to take part in said actions. An example would be someone who enjoys looking at sensual art/pron but would not want to take part in the displayed actions. Also applies to sexual fantasies with no desire to act out said fantasies. This is known as autochorissexuality.

SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT

Asexuals also can fall under the demisexual, grey asexual range where they display only very little sexual attraction (grey asexual) or feelings of romantic/sexual attraction towards someone they are very close with (demisexual). There's so much more than just being a one dimensional idea that asexuality is merely just someone who doesn't desire sex. 

Also sex without sexual attraction is possible. Your body will react in certain ways to certain contact with/without sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is basically looking at someone and thinking wow I want to have sex with this/that person. In theory, a homosexual male could have sex with a woman. Physically capable, but there is no attraction there.

Some people have the misconception that being asexual isn't as hard or bad off as being homosexual/trans but heck everyone has their own gender issues - don't go pointing fingers and saying that "OH asexual? Don't act all sad, you don't suffer as much as being a lesbian!"

We cannot compare the issues we have but asexuals have their problems too. Well sure, being asexual is all good until you come to a damn realisation that a LOT OF people actually WANT SEX and they want that in a long term relationship and they enjoy it and you just sit there like, "oh." (A moment of silence for romantic asexuals)

Asexuals, especially sex repulsed asexuals get flak for being repulsed be it. "Don't be silly" They say, "It's just sex", "Grow up!" and I've seen asexuals getting dumped, thrown aside from their relationships just because their partner doesn't understand that asexuality is a thing. I may be aromantic but other asexuals are not, just because they can't give you sex does not mean they can't love you.

I used to be so afraid of showing anyone any kind of affection, physical or otherwise because I was terrified that the other party might take it the wrong way or make fun of me because I don't. I grew past that thankfully but I'm still always on my toes about being nice or polite especially to guys (I am sorry lol)

I'm just so tired of asexuality not taken seriously. Every asexual identity is VALID.

For some people, asexuality is so hard to deal with especially in modern society where sex plays such a big part in relationships that it's almost unfathomable to most people that a relationship/marriage can survive without sex, thus making it incredibly difficult for asexuals who desire romantic relationships to find a partner who is either asexual or okay with having a romantic relationship without sex. Many asexuals are so ashamed of being weird or "broken" because of their lack of lust that they end up in sexual relationships, never identifying as asexuals and feeling nothing but unhappiness.

We are being told that we have no form of oppression just because we don't like sex. Wow, it's almost as if we don't live in a sex crazy world where everyone tell you you are broken if you have no interest in sex and your relationships don't work out because of it.

I've heard stories about asexuals getting unwanted sexual advances because other people wanted to "fix" them so don't tell me that asexuality is no big deal, and that we don't face any issues.

As an aromantic asexual, yes I do not face excessive amounts of discrimination or oppression, but I have faced a lot of acephobia and erasure. People have treated my asexuality as a joke - so yes, asexuality needs to be heard. And I will never not stop talking about it.

All for awareness of the ace culture! You are valid, you are important and you are real!

Anyway on a lighter note, those who still question about asexuality, here's a tip: Being asexual is like "10/10, but still would not bang."

xoxo

evelyn