Ramblings from an ace genderfluid

As you guys probably have read from this post, I have written about my sexuality and how I identify myself as; the post seemed pretty popular so I decided to just do a little more explanation on asexual awareness because some people might not understand how asexuals/aromantics are like.

Basically, no matter what you identify as yourself - no one can tell you else wise. For the part, you know yourself better than anyone so there is never such a thing as "You don't look gay" or "You have a boyfriend/girlfriend, how can you be asexual?" or perhaps the "But bisexuals are just people in a phase." No one has a right to label you as 'not gay' or basically anything of that sort.

Once more, they are not you and for those who are trying to understand the situation, please don't force your friends into a corner by shooting all sorts of unnecessary stress about how a specific gender is supposed to look like. Let them explain and acknowledge the fact that it's natural for people to act is such a manner.

Your sexual orientation does not define your personality. You are who you are and you do not have to "look" or "act" a certain stereotypical way to be, for example, homosexual. Sexual orientations, gender identities whichever it is, there are boundless terms that you should be aware of by now;

As for my personal experiences as an asexual, I thought I'd share them with you all since I was pretty confused for almost my whole life until I read more about the different genders and sexual orientations. To be honest, I'm in relief to know that there are others out there who are the exact same  as me. This post is mostly going to cover aromantics. asexuals and how I know I'm pretty much genderfluid since it's more personal for me.

This is my own personal recap of my confusing chase for my own identify so bear with me, it'll probably make me sound like some weird teenager suffering from a lot of issues. I'm just here to tell you guys, you are not alone and this post will probably make you all judge me because I'm experimenting way too much on relationships with people.


Let's start with my genderfluidity (if that's even a word lol), you guys have seen my kid pictures - short hair, male pants, second hand me downs from my male cousins and the fact that I really detest wearing anything pink or skirts/dresses; barbie dolls made me cry and cars made me real happy. As a kid, I hated being a girl. I loathed the idea of having breasts and I never wanted to wear a damn dress if my life counted on it. 

At the age of 10, it became more apparent that I wasn't a fan of long hair (had to keep it because of ballet but I quit when PSLE started) so I chopped my locks off and honestly it was an awesome feeling. But it made me a little insecure as other girls flung their frilly little dresses and tied their long hairs into really pretty looking ponytails and there I was feeling a little upset because I was getting called "BUTCH" or "LESBIAN" and mostly "tomboy"

As a little kid, I thought the idea of being homosexual as being dipped fervently into a pit of boiling lava. I was terrified to be a 'lesbian' and I was upset that girls were trying to avoid me because I was too tomboyish or the fact that I might probably spread my butch-ness to them. It was a really tough call because I loved my hair short and I enjoyed dressing up as a boy; it took me a while but I grew my hair out and tried to dress up.

I had the to fight the urge to chop my hair off for a few years, fighting that battle of "okay just cut a bit more" to "NO, no control" until I learned about cosplay. Having a wig changed my entire life - being able to go from "girl" to "boy" made me really happy because it just felt right to dress up like a boy somedays then like a girl.

Plus my parents told me I had a unisex face because of my babyfats, making me look like a teenage boy to a teenage girl. Just a phase, you say? WELL I BEG TO DIFFER. I occasionally enjoy being a boy but unfortunately, our society just labels me as either a trans or I hear whispers of "eh is that a girl or boy? Girl? Maybe a lesbian."

I'm so glad our reality is made up of the most open minded individuals.