halph

I've realised that my grasp of the english language has deteriorated into nothing but ashes. I can barely keep a conversation going without stopping for a good whole fifteen minutes just to recall a word that I definitely know: for example, here I am chatting with my friend and I see a bird in the distance, pecking on a berry and failing to do so. I open my mouth to speak but I stumble with my words in an instant, murmuring and stammering between the word bird and berry; usually it comes out as birberry and I stop myself.

What is going on? I ask myself as my friend inquires about what I was pointing out at. I take a deep breathe, pull my words together and all I can manage is lel bird being stupid. Yep. That's the only thing I can muster out. Lel. Bird being stupid. 

For a woman who has prided herself so much on her knowledge of literature and the know-hows of the world, I have fallen from my grace. Take my throne, spare me the hysterics, I am no more the master of the english language.

I have been experiencing this issue for not one, but two years consecutively. First starting out with the inability to write proper sentences. Secondly, the inability to spell. Third, pronouncing wrong words and finally, unable to do all at once - so you can imagine the horrors that people have to go through with, talking to me. Honestly, I can barely even form proper coherent sentences anymore. So much for borrowing books, buying test papers and working through the night writing novels.

It's something I feel embarrassed about, talking about this problem online. Again, I've amassed knowledge on literature and the English language but I can barely apply it to my every-day living. For a person who used to love to speak, I find myself awfully quiet nowadays, just listening but sewing my mouth shut in fear that I say something wrong. It's fine when I type but when I try to talk, I usually end up contemplating about the words to use.

All 22 years and all I can manage is lel bird being stupid.

Sue me lol.